This past Saturday, I internally started to really focus on a new book I am writing. It's a book about how normal people can do the works of the Father (John 10:38). On the day I decided to start really focusing on the book, I came down with some sort of flu bug. I woke up at 1 a.m. feeling like I was about to die.
The only other time in my life I can remember feeling that bad for a 24 hour period was in Haiti a few trips ago helping people discover it is actually possible for us normal, little disciples to do the things Jesus did. Hmmm.....let's see here. There seems to be a correlation between what we are going after in the Kingdom and what comes against us at the same time.
Thousands of authors have said it before me:
We are constantly in a spiritual war as long as we are on this earth and are going after Jesus.
There are times when we have a head cold because of a seasonal change and then there are times we know that we know we are simply under attack. The night I woke up sick as a dog, I had a dream that someone was trying to kill me. The time I was so sick in Haiti, I dreamt a white cat was talking to me and telling me I would not make it. There are times on our journeys where we feel like we are in some sort of Narnia experience.
In the past five months, two things have happened to me:
1. I have had two surgeries and have been sick as a dog with some flu bug.
2. I've seen more healings and seen more people receive breakthrough when I pray for them than I have in a long time.
Both of these things are true. I did not have one surgery. I had two. How do you reconcile such different things in a Kingdom paradigm? Well, I don't try to reconcile them. I like what the priest in the movie Rudy says,
"...I've come up with only two hard, incontrovertible facts; there is a God, and, I'm not Him."
I don't mind a messy theology. I don't mind being involved in a messy narrative as God writes His story over my life. The older I get, the more comfortable I am with messiness. Honestly, I thought when I became a Lead Pastor, I would feel more confident in this whole concept of the Kingdom and its ways. The closer I get to God, the smaller I am feeling and the less I think I actually know. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
I know this: I listened to many sermons while I was sick and thoroughly enjoyed bonding with God. I turned on some worship music and just stared at my ceiling thinking about God. I even heard Him say a couple things to me in the middle of my flu bug and surgery issues. Sickness makes a lot of people bitter at God. I think the reason more people don't go after John 14:12 is the fact we have so much familiarity with not seeing breakthrough. For me, I don't have any desire to be bitter with Him. I want deep friendship with Him when things are great and when things are not great.
I saw a lady in New Hampshire healed of a pretty tough situation. It was dramatic. I was sincerely happy for her. I celebrated. Three weeks later I lay in bed with some miserable ailment that left me 5 lbs. lighter in 12 hours (good jumpstart to Weight Watchers.) Over the years, I've just learned to be content and not overthink things. He's worth it all the way.